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To Be or Not to Be Chosen as a Member of the Bridal Party

by Tye Robertson, Especially for You Planners, LLC

Choosing your wedding party can be fraught with peril, almost as politically explosive an ordeal as seating charts. The bad news is, no matter what you do, someone will be unhappy with your choice. Keep in mind that it is your day, and as the bride, it is your right to select the members of your wedding party. This may require smoothing some ruffled feathers, but by staying firm and keeping a sense of humor, you can resolve any diffculties without damaging any relationships.

It's important that both you and your future spouse be comfortable with the people in the wedding party, since your special day depends on them. It is a day for the happy couple to celebrate their commitment to each other and if there are serious questions about someone's ability to perform a required task, this should be taken into account. Do not outright dismiss your groom's choice of his old college roommate when you would prefer his brother or cousin. This is one of the few choices that the groom is going to really feel is his. Unless you are truly afraid that your wedding toast may be a frat brother burping the national anthem, let him pick who he thinks is best.

The maid of honor is often the most challenging appointment in the wedding party to skillfully negotiate. Multiple sisters, cousins or female friends may all feel that they deserve the job. If you still have close friends from elementary or high school, they may resent a college friend being appointed as maid of honor. Your mother will probably have a preference, your mother-in-law may, as well, if your fiance has any sisters. Make your choice and stick to it. Pick someone with free time, because she is going to be organizing your showers and parties, helping with the planning and shopping, and generally filling the part of your Girl Friday.

A spot in the wedding party as a bridesmaid or groomsman can allow people that may otherwise feel slighted a special place. Remember, being a part of your wedding is important to them because they care about you. Friends and family may be more willing to assist in wedding planning activities if they feel personally involved as well.

Be open and honest with people who question your decisions. You may hear from more than one friend or family member asking why you did not ask them to fill a specific role. Tell them how special they are to you and invite them to do a specific activity with you, such as looking for shoes or signing up for registries. Your maid of honor will appreciate it too, since she will have her hands full.

While keeping the peace and not hurting anyone's feelings can be difficult, keep in mind that no lasting harm will come from sticking to the choices you feel are best. And when the whole event seems to be spinning out of control, grab a pint of low fat Ben and Jerry's and put in a DVD of My Big Fat Greek Wedding for a good laugh at a wedding hijacked by a "helpful" family.

Copyright 2006 - Especially For You Planners, LLC